The rock music is blaring from the overhead speakers in this little sports bar I am sitting in.  I visited the doctor’s office today.  The doctor and I have challenged each other to a bet.  He thinks that being vegan has greatly negatively affected certain parts of my body and that it will be reflected in various blood tests.  I have explained to him that I don’t agree and that not only am I a medical intuitive, I’m also not an “unhealthy” vegan.  In fact, I am a health Nazi vegan.  So, we have challenged each other to a game of who is right.  He has put me on a twelve hour fast starting at 8:00 tonight so I can get blood work done in the morning and so, I’ve rushed around the city to find the closest restaurant, so I can sneak in one last salad before I must abstain.


Out of the corner of my eye, I’m watching the “bad hit” football montage on one of the twenty television monitors.  Collectively the people in the restaurant have turned to watch the replays of injury after injury as they occur to the players.  Audible reactions of shock and awe rise from the crowd.  It is both fascinating and sad that we cope with becoming part of our human society, by numbing out to our emotions and numbing out to how we feel, only to spend the rest of our lives seeking experiences that make us feel something again.  It’s the only proof we have that we are alive.  Horror films make us feel alive.  Sports injuries make us feel alive.  Our bodies become addicted to the adrenaline.  We don’t want to risk tuning back into our emotions.  We’d rather feel when we want to feel.  We’d rather have a convenient relationship with ourselves. 


We hope to find someone in our lives that will love us exactly as we are.  Someone who is ok with how we feel.  Someone who will stay by our sides through everything and who will be present with us and be there for us.  But we are incapable of doing this for ourselves.  We are not ok with how we feel.  We try to run from it.  We don’t stick with ourselves.  We abandon what we think and what we want for what other people think and want.  We try to escape from ourselves.  We are not there for ourselves when we need it.  We prioritize other things, like our job or our family or societal expectations or our goals.  We need them to do it, because we never give ourselves the permission to do it.  It has blown my mind to figure out just how NOT there for myself I have been.  I have watched myself abandon myself and realized that this is the real reason why we don’t trust ourselves.  People don’t trust themselves when they feel unsafe with themselves.  And we feel unsafe with ourselves when we watch ourselves make decisions that don’t feel good.  When we ignore the way we really feel, and abandon our personal truth, we become in essence untrustworthy to ourselves.  The only way to begin trusting yourself (if you don’t currently trust yourself) is to learn how to tune back into how you feel and honor how you truly feel.  If we want to be happy and feel good in our own skin, there is no other way to live.  I want to be happy and feel good, so this is how I’m going to live…who is with me?




  • A great blog Teal! And may the doctor be amazed!XXXX

  • A great blog Teal! And may the doc be amazed!XXX

  • I’m with you Teal~

  • “Let the world know you as you are not as you think you should be, because sooner or later, if you are posing, you will forget the pose, and then where are you?”- Fanny Brice

    “Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.”~Judy Garland

  • love this entry…sooo beautiful/true….<3

  • ME!
    I want to be happy and feel good but i also want to be ‘ok’ with being sad. Infact i want to look forward to being sad or welcome it like an old friend that i know will leave me feeling just a little bit wiser.

    You just answered an issue i was dealing with today actually.
    I was speaking to work colleagues today and i started feeling uneasy ‘again’. Its a horrible sinking feeling and the worst thing is that i try and bare it through a smile. I understand that it is like to be when i am not being true to myself. That i am ‘still’ acting the clown for protection and affection. That i am still trying to make people happy or fall silent with their bigoted remarks just because ‘my happiness depends on them’. The annoying thing is that i know this but i forget until later. Nevermind, i am being presented with enough oppertunities to learn and correct this.
    if i actually got real with these people i wonder what they would do?
    Tomorrow i will try and ‘get real – be my authentic self ‘ with someone that doesn’t like it. Its easy enough with my close work friends but i want to get right up someone’s nose! Ha.

    i need to fast, you know i don’t believe i have ever had one day without food. it has always been there.
    i wonder if i can do it, wrestle with my sugar addiction, shoo away the craving for wheat. this week i want to fast for 1 day. Ooh- numb, the thought of failure. We forget that fasting clears space for a major feeling centre not just digestion. I wonder what will come up/out.
    these are the excellent opportunities and easier things i can do to tease myself out of my comfort zone, to expand my horizons.
    The more true i can be to myself , the more self loving it will be. Then i can start the journey of quietening the mind a bit. i would love to know what my heart has to say for a change.

    You know i said to a colleague at work yesterday that one of the most awesome things i ever saw was a person being true to themselves. Truly.
    So, do they sell salads in bars?
    I love the picture, the red wall. its almost a rejection for all the drama that goes on from the stools. Designed to keep you looking into the bottom of the glass.

    • Hi Ian, It feels good to speak one’s mind openly and without fear. If the fear is there others will reflect it. Getting ‘real’ with others is a byproduct of personal honesty. Finding out what other people think or feel about you is valuable feed back for what you are putting out. There is no intrinsic ‘self’ being real or unreal, everything about you is fluid. It is a dance you participate in with the other illusory selves out there. The silent observer uncluttered by role playing is SELF. Experiencing that SELF as it can only be experienced from moment to moment is freedom. IT has no dependance on OTHER. IT is the “I AM” presence that can be felt in a conscious breath which is one thought away. How am I doing? Does this make sense?

  • War Eagle!!!!!!! :)

  • I’m with you!

  • Count me in!

  • I am with you as well. Love you.

  • i’m sure as hell with you, teal… and i can’t wait until the doctor has to break the news to you that you won that bet. i’m so sick of all that “you can’t be healthy unless you eat dead things” bullshneikies. for goodness’ sake, don’t we have PILES AND PILES of research by now proving that veganism (done right, that is) is actually far healthier than the typical standard american diet? (also known as S.A.D. lol)

  • YES, you got it, living that principle, nothing can stop you. Really proud of you !!! Love, Miki

    “The Prophet” by Kahil Gibran p15
    “Then Almitra spoke again…..
    Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God
    But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
    And let the winds of the heavens dance between you,
    Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
    Let it rather be a moving sea between the shore of your souls
    Fill each other’s cup, but drink not from one cup
    Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf
    Sing and dance together and be joyous,
    but let each one of you be alone…..”

    • Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
      Let it be rather a moving sea between the shores of your souls.

      What powerful metaphore.

  • Excellent blog and perfect timing! I’m with you Teal!! <3

  • Wow – this is so profound – self-abandonment – giving away our responsibility to ourselves, we dispense with our authority.
    We’re inside-out & upside-down – asleep to our own majesty.


    Brilliant piece Teal – thank you for keeping your eye on the ball.

  • Why on earth would you go to a “doctor”? Sounds like a physician trained in western medicine too. Give up your personal power to a physician? My body runs fine on flex fuel (anything) but I would never challenge anyone about their own personal preferences. Diversity is what makes the world go round.

    • Hi Mike. Teal isn’t giving up anything to her doctor. Not all doctors are pill pushers. There are a lot of quacks and false information in alternative medicine. A body will run on an empoverished diet but an early death or compromised health will probably eventuate. The idea of allowing people to go unchallenged about their diet when it is causing them weight problems and poor health, due to their ignorance, is irresponsible. It is this attitude that has created a population of young people who will live shorter and less healthier lives than their parents. Do you feel suitably reprimanded?

  • M in… Lovely teal … Please take rest … Since you had a long journey … And my heartily wish that you remain and be happy and joyfull evry time with or with out reason … Love you…

  • I am SO with you, but I still struggle with it…

  • Hello fellow health and vegan nazi! I love you.
    If you are as crazy about your health as I am (about my own health ;) ), then you should try Candida Cleanser.
    I heard you suffered from endometriosis. And candida is a major cause of that. This cleanser has given me my life back. From the animal products that we used to eat (filled with antibiotics) most of us have a bacterial imbalance known as candida.
    Please look into it. No, Im not a salesperson or a representative. Just another intuitive who loves health, and loves you, and believes you could greatly benefit from it. PROVE YOUR DOCTOR WRONG! And continue to take charge of your own health.

  • I’m With You! :D

  • How have you abandoned yourself ? You don’t trust yourself because somehow you haven’t been true to yourself ? What is it exactly that you have done that causes you to feel this way ? Have you hugged your son today ? Have you hugged your cat and dogs today ? Have you slowed down enough to breathe and enjoy just being with yourself ? Can you stop the self analysis long enough to enjoy the sun setting or enjoy the breeze across the mountains where you live ? I could go on but I won’t. Best Wishes, Dave

    • Hi Dave, I love your comments. So you are not with her? Again I say BUT. I will take the opposite view. What I see is Teal transparently processing her past poor choices and showing the way for others to do this. She is taking charge of her life. She is being and flowing with the SELF as she does this clearing process. The self analysis is a stage of seeing things clearly enough to be able choose freedom. Without the analysis there would be no blog of substance. Teal is evolving. Her photos show she is acutely aware of the world out there. Her dog and cat feature in her videos. It’s hard to imagine Teal not cuddling them at every opportunity. She has kept her son out of the public eye for good reasons. How am I doing?

      • Hi Michael ! Thanks for commenting. I am not saying I am not with Teal on her quest (or mine) towards feeing good and being happy in our skin. I am ALL for that. I am just curious about what it is that is bothering Teal so much. She talks about finding someone who will love us for exactly who we are, someone who is ok with how we feel, someone who will stay by our sides ……. She goes on to say “It just blows mind to figure out just how NOT there for myself I have been”.
        These statements are perplexing to me. How has she abandoned herself as she says? She talks about not trusting herself when she feels unsafe. Why is she feeling unsafe? I’m sensing that she has lost confidence in herself for some time now and is desperately trying to get it back. Perhaps having a man is her life gives her confidence to be who she is and now that she doesn’t have a man in her life she questions if she is OK with who she is. If Teal wants to “be happy and feel good” she needs be that way regardless of anything around her. The law of attraction will provide the security she seeks. Having a man in her life isn’t necessary to have the freedom to “be happy and feel good”. I would really like you opinion on this Michael. Dave

        • Hi Dave, Most ‘normal’ people are wanting to experience secure relationships to the opposite sex. It is certainly part of our DNA’s need to propagate itself. Realizing that one is a puppet to society and family is also a natural and sometimes painful aspect to growing up . Wanting to find out who you are without the distortions of other’s opinions is a transitional phase that usually occurs in teenage. Rebelling is part of this.

          It is true that happiness and feeling good shouldn’t depend on others, but it seems, for some people, that that stage of transcendance requires an ‘above human’ effort. Teal got off to a complicated but highly interesting start. I guess that is why a lot of people are following her evolution. Her psychic ability is the wild card. So far she is coping very well. I think you already know all this and you are actually just curious about what another male thinks of Teal. I haven’t got a fixed idea of who Teal is. She presents beautifully and her talent for creating a movement is progressing rapidly. It’s all good. I hope this does as a response. I don’t hold tightly to my opinions. I am a beginner in really understanding myself in relationship to women.
          I have been told and tend to accept that most men are stuck at the emotional age of a three year old.

          • The interesting thing is (aside from her extra sensory abilities) her understanding of human nature and her intellectual ability to recognize other peoples problems and form step by step solutions. And it seems like she can do that with herself as well, but at this moment seems to be struggling with it working. She has been through a lot lately so it would be pretty hard to expect her to find a place of peace within herself. It’s hard to watch her struggle when she has so many wonderful qualities. But we all struggle don’t we? Hope Teal is having a better day and today and that you are as well. Dave

          • Hi Dave, there is no reply icon on your last response. I am using the one above your comment.
            Have you noticed the dynamic of ” You teach best what you need to learn” that Teal demonstrates so well. Her ability to express herself so coherently, due to writing about her experiences, comes out in her interviews. It is tempting to believe that such an intellectual competance is a gift and that it may be coming from another dimension.

            As we learn to observe our lives from an imagined higher place our life begins to look like it was scripted or “sculptered” The feeling of freedom to re script our lives is SELF perpetuating. The “struggle” is resisting the SELF. The more the SELF is expressed the more effortless and flowing life becomes.The magic of supportive synchronisity from the universe kicks in.

            Song for the day: ” Don’t forget your second wind” by Billy Joel. Right now I am not struggling.

  • I am SO WITH YOU :) I love you and I am thankful for the work that you and your team do. Masi Cho! Thank you very much
    Love & Light

  • I am. I mean as soon as I am done with admiring you (once again – giving the power over me to somewone else…) or as soon as I am done with waiting to people to love and buy my work (feels lke – never), and for my family and people I meet to love / like me. so I must say it doesn’t feel like it is going to happen in a full way. But it sure is happening in other big parts of my life. Once again my answer is somewere in the middle. Didn’t use the google translate today – hoping I’m anderstood!

  • Thank you Teal!
    I walked away today from an abusive situation today with my ex as I trusted my feelings rather than my old programming. It was so challenging but I kept feeling into me, rather than what he was saying or doing and it worked. I trusted me!!!!
    Thank you for your collective conscious support! It is making a difference!!!

    • Hi Daniella. It sounds like you withdrew significance from what your ex was saying. You transcended the illusion that he or anybody else has power over you. You are trusting the process of awakening. Rejoice.

  • Me, big time xxx

  • Hi dear Teal!

    First of all thank YOU, thank YOU, thank YOU, for everything and Namaste. I took a deep plunge into my interior to answer the question, Do I trust myself? Wow! Guess what ? I did, I DO. I went back and forth , and the answer was always the same I DO. I really do. I see my life pass by in front of my eyes and yes, I have experienced a lot of pain in this incarnation but also a lot of love, from me to me and from me to the rest of creation and that is enough to say that life has been great in general despite the bumps, bruises, the pain etc. Right?
    I learned to forgive myself and others, not to feel guilty , and to embrace and love the dark aspects of my human personality, but always working on improvement , but not resisting them. I get it.
    I’m thankful and blessed for my partner,my husband for almost 25 years, who loves me and accepts me just the way I am and for my wonderful indigo child. I’m thankful for being awakened from a very young age and see life for what it is, a mere illusion, a play where lines and this role were given to me and I played along for some time, but now I choose what to say, how to act ( at least most of the time) : ) I’m so thankful and blessed to have the opportunity to assist Mother Earth and humanity in their path to evolution, awakening, . .I do what I can with my resources, and my tools, even though I sometimes feel limited and wish I could do so much more!
    I had an epiphany recently. Since I can remember being 5 or 6 years old I had this longing to go back home, a hurtful feeling of not belonging here but to the ‘stars’, and the epiphany was.- “I’m home! ! Home is within my heart, I doscvered the door to the secret chamber of my sacred heart that’s where truth resides and reality and my true self” ! It had always been there, I just forgot to look inside as we humans do most of the time.
    So , you see, life must be a joy knowing and having all these, right? Well guess what? It’s not ALL the time, sometimes the scars itch and bother from time to time, sometimes what I advice my beautiful meditation group, I do not properly apply to myself. Sometimes, unworthiness and fear make an unexpected appearance, but each time they stay for shorter and shorter periods. Like now, I just don’t know how we got to the situation we are at now, barely surviving, practically living day to day. How this happened? Specially now, I LOVE what I do. Found my true passion , my purpose in life, my soul’s mission, but the energy called money is not manifesting, yet. I reproduce the “feeling” of the situation being solved, I “see ” it , my guides tell me it’s practically here, and still it continues to be a challenge for my spiritual path, but I KNOW the Universe always provides. I have absolute trust. And so it is…
    So when I read that even YOU with the knowledge, understanding and love you command have to deal still with so much, I only feel more LOVE, appreciation and understanding for you.
    LOVE and gratitude form my heart to yours which is the same. Namaste<3

  • arturo villarreal

    Absolutely true! during my drinking/smoking years (I don’t drink or smoke now) I used to do it because it was the only way that I could feel a sense of sort of ” fitting in” or “”belonging”" to certain groups of friends/assholes , NOW I understand that we had little or nothing in comun, now I accept myself as I am and I don,t care about “”fitting in”" any more, . I prefer to be a loner than fitting in with idiots

    thanks Teal for putting it in just the right words as usual.

    • Hi Arturo, Song for the day. I’ll go my way, by myself, like a bird on the wing.
      I’ll build a world of my own, I’ll face the unknown.
      No one knows better than I myself, I’m by myself. Alone.

  • I hope you’re not seriously ill Teal. Homeopaths, Naturopaths, Ayurvedic, Traditional Chinese Medicine, Herbalists etc etc etc in my opinion offer much better healthcare. Why visit a doctor who peddles pills for the pharmaceutical industry ? Are you hoping to convert him to holistic medicine ?
    Live long and prosper x

  • Wow. Thank you for sharing this Teal! I feel like this has been my most major reason for all of the blockages I have with self love and putting myself first. Trust, I don’t trust myself, I look to others and conjure up what they must think of me and how to be better for them. Man oh man, how wonderful my life would be I trust myself. It’s ok to trust myself! Whew that is a load of my back, I am with you!! Let’s trust ourselves and see the miracles of self acceptance and love.

  • I am with you <3 and your topic are just suitable to me today as I did felt that the new medical system to pressurize people doing what they what to be done with offers like " COSMETIC SURGERY " facilitating every thing because bank loans even can be taken in private clinics so … HOW can we STOP that FREE consultations that if you fall on theirs hook you just be made slave volunteer ?

  • Me, me, me!!! :) <3

  • Hi Teal, I have meditated on this quote. I want to make a slight modification of it. See how this fits your experience.

    As soon as you trust the SELF you will know how to live.

    I have never experienced a personal God. I have recently started calling for help from the Universal Mind and enough has happened for me to feel something is helping me. I’m ok with calling it the SELF. It provides answers and ideas that seem beyond my normal consciousness. It has absolutely nothing to do with religion.

  • <3 <3 <3 I am!! :3
    that is what i try to learn and focus everytime from everything….how to love myself first….
    love love love..

  • It’s all true, I love you Teal

  • Of course I’m with you.

  • I wish to live in the reality where I read your next blog post revealing the test results were positive for your body. I have seen you talk to former vegans before and supported their need to eat meat again. Bravo.

    You have so many people supporting you fully, enthusiastically and with an abundance of love. Count me as one of those people.


  • “It has blown my mind to figure out just how NOT there for myself I have been. I have watched myself abandon myself and realized that this is the real reason why we don’t trust ourselves. People don’t trust themselves when they feel unsafe with themselves. And we feel unsafe with ourselves when we watch ourselves make decisions that don’t feel good.”

    WOW that hit me hard….. real hard,,made me cry…because it is true..I beat myself up inside because I thought that is what I was suppose to do…because that’s the message I thought was given to me, but sadder than that, it was the message I gave to my true self..not them….sometimes it is hard to read your blogs…because it is so honest.. xxxx love you Teal ty

  • I am once again astounded with the synchronicity of the universe. Just last night I while writing in my journal I realized I did not come into this physical perspective to live as anyone else but myself. I have only hurt myself by trying to live in accordance to others. Only I can know and assert what is best for me. Just what I needed, I am so with you Teal! Namaste.

  • “Out of the corner of my eye, I’m watching the “bad hit” football montage on one of the twenty television monitors.”

    Hahahaaa x) The mighty immediate & shivering energy drain when surrounded by tv-monitors… You could make an Ask Teal episode on how to rise “the electronics collapse because of your presence” skills for usage in stores and tv-heads hotspots. Why didn’t I come up with this earlier?…

  • The only problem I’ve had with being vegetarian and mostly vegan is iron. I was eating ice like crazy, and became anemic to the point where I nearly passed out and ended up in an ambulance receiving two bags of fluid. I’ve been taking an iron pill daily since then, and haven’t had any problems. No more craving ice either!

  • I`m with your, dearest Teal.

    Just that I am completely lost at tuning into my own emotions. I was hardcore at listening to them untill I couldn`t take it anymore. But I miss them greately, I even miss the unbearable pain. I`m only a shaddow of a human without them.


  • I think you’re right, we need to learn to trust each other, especially ourselves.

    Also, I am a fellow vegan and am very healthy and do not have any health problems. I feel more in-tune with myself spiritually, mentally, and physically being vegan as well.

  • Adolf Hitler was also a bit of a health Nazi .

  • Is the blood work about blood glucose levels or about nutrition?


  • yesssssss trust thyself and you can trust everyone and everything! because you will always trust yourself to make the right decisions for yourself with whatever situation arises or comes to you!!!! important huge step xoxoxo

  • Just a soul that honors you

    I trust myself so far, that i build myself on myself. I am my own law and pretty much “straight individualistic”. I love myself and accept myself. But I don’t love myself on the “cost of others”. There is a thin line between EGOistic love and true, pure love. Also you have to be strong and a true individual, when you love yourself. You will see how quick people turn against you, when you are authentic and true to yourself and to others. When you have the strength and power to be yourself, so be aware, that you will face some “walls” and “gigants” in your way and many stones someone, or many people always will throw in. We live in a world that doesnt accept or tolerate too much, a human being, that is “individual” and knows better for itself the way, than any other could ever know. I realize what “true self love” cost. I live the way that I do what i want as long as it doesnt take the freedom of another human being. But also this means – if someone comes in my way andtry to take my freedom, then i won’t just stand and let it happen. Self Trust begins in Self Respect and ends in Universal Love. I can’t express that easier…

  • Hi, I’m new here.

    Thanks for the post, Teal. Good luck with the bet. I am with you, trying to be as true to myself as possible. Currently I am feeling like shit because of a recent break-up. I feel like an idiot and a fool, even believing she really wanted to be with me. This is great feelings. Not.

    Who are you Michael, who(m) answer all the replies? My true self wonders.

    Is it possible to change the colour of the text of the comments? The middle-grey has too low contrast to the white. My true self gets annoyed having to focus so intensively to read the words.

    Being true, in pain, looking for happiness within – cheers to you all.

  • I was feeling so bad last night, just like this, not knowing what the feeling was. These words explain it perfectly! Thank you <3

  • Wow this is so amazing. I am with you Teal. It’s so amazing because I was getting this same message in my heart. But it’s like I didn’t trust myself enough to listen and I needed you to say it for me to trust. thank you

  • Hi Teal, I saw a comment by a net visitor to your Utube video regarding contradictions in teachings.
    His net name is Jimbo. I read it as light hearted suppression. It got many responses. It has probably made a few people question the value of what you are doing. All the responses were supportive of your work. I love what you are doing not because there is some grand phylosophical enlightment in it for me, but that you are documenting and presenting your life as an immediate result or product of applying this enlightenment. It is your process and you are very brave to share your journey with the net community. Transparency appears to be working for you.

    I have a new understanding of the terms ‘Vicarious Redemption.’ (Christopher Hitchen’s description of the crucifixion of Jesus story). I know I am learning from you by what you are. Maybe the mainstream media will attempt to crucify you someday, but you will handle it better than most. It will probably become a part of your process.

  • Yes , it is hard sometimes to read Teal’s blogs because how she writes is so beautifully raw. It touches and shakes.
    But the pattern of not trusting ourselves is starting to form in the first years of our lives with the “help” of parents/caretakers. And as this snowball is growing rapidly through our lives one spends the rest of it seeking experiences that will make him feel and more aware one is trying to figure out how to break free from all that hell.
    Nevertheless, Im with you, Teal. Cause there is no way back, ones you know.

  • I am with You, Dear Teal!

  • I am definitely with you Teal. Good luck with the blood test results. I have just become vegan myself. My body is working so much better already, and spiritually I feel more at peace.

  • This blog is really awesome, exactly define my feelings and not only mine I guess:).
    I’m with u too:).


  • Thank you so much for keeping up your blog and youtube channel!
    I too was sexually abused and beaten as a child, and have suppressed myself and my emotions to an extend where psychologists had almost given up on me, but after i started to follow your advice I have felt better for every day. No more sobbing before I go to sleep at night and no more extreme moodswings that I can’t explain.
    You are my hero and inspiration, I wish you a good day and hope that your future development will enable you to help even more people :)


    i always get same dream at night.the dreams are i am serching my house,m running alot..but i am not every deram location but every dream i am searchinng my house what does it mean?i always get same dream at night.the dreams are i am serching my house,m running alot..but i am not every deram location but every dream i am searchinng my house what does it mean?


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